Releasing and NOT Holding on.

More and more recently I have been holding on and bottling up things hiding the way i am feeling not only for people that i know that I can trust but also my self. And its not just things that are new but it is from last year. This realisation has come in pieces over the last few weeks as my life has been filped on its head over and over. To get a better view of this I want you all to know what has happened over the last 2 monthsish. It all started when i lost my job i was ok with that at least that is what I tolled my self anyway but a couple of weeks latter my grandmother passed away and to be hounest i didnt know and still dont know how i feel about that i know that she is with her father savour and king but i will miss her. tow weeks roughly after that I had the hounor of leading on a youth camp this was an epic exsperance and i had a awsome time. But in amongst that i was having some of the worst panck attacs and i just put it down to the intense spirtual enviroment and did not let them ruin what was an epic camp. The following week i was at a youth leadership confrence and in that time i was learning so much but at one of the night sessions i had a massive panick attack and had the retaliation that i wasn't ok with my grandmothers passing but that was one night i let that out. once i got back i didnt really notce anything untill a couple of weeks of being back that i saw that i haddent felt any thing aamd when i say anything i mean no emotions and no conetions with people. this was hard for me and i didnt know why and it didnt become clear until last night that i was pushing all theas things and more to protect me from all the things that i have been hiding from and i regret not feeling theas things and now ive got all this stuff that i now see that i need to deal with and not just keep pushing them down and yes there are so menny good things in the mix of the bad and i kn ow that God is with me wile i prosses theas things that i hope that i will release each of theas things to Him and not hide them until it gwts to this piont angen. This is somthing that i have seen so meany times in others but i still let it happen to me and didnt even see it coming. The next few weeks are going to be hard for me and I am now going to ask if you are a prayer could you please pray for me. Thanks for letting me take up your time and im sorry for the spelling i am not editing this post. Ps dont just push everything down.
LOVE Gracie.